if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
