Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
