I feel great
I just peed on a car
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
