he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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