Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
