Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Randomize
