i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
