I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
