After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
