I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
