dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
