it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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