Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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