All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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