HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
