i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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