I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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