if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
