Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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