I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
