3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I see more hoeing in ur future
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