Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
