True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize