Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
