i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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