question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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