So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
