1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Soap is not a condiment
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My penis needs a shock collar
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
