y did u give ur computer a hand job?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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