Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
