garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
