In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
