Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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