I am in a vortex of obligation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
