I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
