I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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