remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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