I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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