I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
