i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
