I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
