you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
