i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
