I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
