I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
