we're blogging at a bar
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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