My brain says no but my pants say off.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
