I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
