Ambien. No doubt about it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
