Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
