I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The uberlube is also flammable
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
