And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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