I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
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