Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
