He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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