3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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