idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
