Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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