He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
