Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
